just had a really really nice conversation with xin.
we didn't really talk about anything of great import.. what was up with both of us, the sd cards she was gonna buy, the fact that ian had spent his formative years on various continents due to his father's air force career, how the germans telf place and unacceptable.
i need to either sever them or find another outlet.l time really fucked up, stuff like that.
but god it was nice.
when she giggled or made other distinctive noises, i felt.. pleased, reassured.. at home.
somehow i don't like that, the fact that i rely on her for those emotions seems completely out of place, completely unacceptable.
i love her, though. she expressed the same emotion.
it was very gratifying to know she still shares similar affection and familiarity, that she hasn't tried to discard it.
but she's with another now, and there are boundaries- and many very desired, very unacceptable actions and words.
it's most disconcerting, as the vast majority of my sexual fantasies center around her physiology, her personality.. her.
that'll be difficult to modify.
feh.
making these words helps though.
it's nice to know i'll be able to review my feelings and thoughts later, and perhaps to show them to someone i trust enough.
somehow, i doubt i'll ever show them to xin, though she epitomisies the personality i'd like to accept me.
'cept the mystical stuff, i guess. i'd like a skeptic of the same mould as me, but she was very near to perfect.
as near as i'll ever reach, i fear.
i suppose that's enough venting now, i'll let gma get back to her stargate episode.